A Grief Service
Today
we remember, honor and celebrate the life of our loved ones who have
recently died. This brief service cannot do justice to a lifetime of
relationships, struggles, accomplishments, laughs, sorrows,
victories and the lives touched by the one you have loved and still
love. This is the time we come together to begin the process of
letting go of the one we can no longer see or touch.
Grief is heartbreaking; grief is intense and is a real, deep, loss
because you have loved. We do not grieve for the ones who have died.
We grieve for ourselves. We grieve over whom we have lost: our
spouse, brother, grandparent, sister, cousin, aunt or uncle, dear
friend or companion. The opportunities that still might have been,
the dreams that are no longer possible, the things left unsaid,
undone, and the way our lives have a vacant space by the passing of
our dear one. In our grief, we cannot hide our eyes to the fleeting
essence of our existence we normally try hard to ignore. Now, at
this time, we are forced to face our own mortality, including the
others we hold close.
In this time of deep sorrow, we pause to reflect on what our
deceased loved one gave to our lives. We may deeply feel the vast,
vacant space left behind with their death and how we begin to see
the treasured gifts given to us during their life. As you begin to
mend your grief with your tears, troubles, helplessness, anxiety and
deep sadness in your own life, you will be changed forever.
Life, after all, is filled with its own struggles, just as it is
filled with its joys, its celebrations, and its separations. We walk
through life with all its varied experiences. In life, we experience
peace, comfort, and security in God’s continuous support. It is said
so perfectly in Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8:
There is a time
for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
A time to be
born and a time to die
A time to plant and a time to uproot
A time to kill and a time to heal
A time to tear down and a time to build
A time to weep and a time to laugh
A time to mourn and a time to dance
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them
A time to embrace and a time to retain
A time to search and a time to give up
A time to be silent and a time to speak
A time to love and a time to hate
A time for war and a time for peace.
And now this the time to morn, and grieve for the one you have lost.
I am reminded of a time when I was visiting a friend. Her little boy
dropped one of his action figures into a pond in the back yard. He
was crying due to the loss of his toy and asked me to retrieve it
from the pond. I gritted my teeth and slowly lowered my hand and arm
into the murky pond water. I had not reached the bottom and the
water was above my elbow. I started to feel the slimy, smelly,
sludge on the bottom. I felt every inch of the bottom of that pond
and found the toy. I quickly pulled my arm and hand out of the murky
water, and gave the boy his treasure. I did not like putting my arm
into that muck. As I was shivering from the unpleasant experience, I
started to laugh. I realized that this was a wonderful metaphor for
the conscious grief process. When we practice grief, we are putting
our “hands” into a space where we cannot see the “bottom”. By
deliberately placing yourself in the path of our grief, we can open
ourselves to parts of our helplessness and loss that is not pretty.
This is something we all would rather avoid but because it is a
vital part of healing, we must trudge forward and stick our hands
deep down into the bottom of the pond. Of course, we all want to
maintain a happy mood but it is important to respect that this is
the time to mourn.
By confronting your pain, you will be able to chip away at it, and
slowly bring yourself to a place of transformation. Each time you
connect with the pain inside, the closer you move towards healing.
I encourage all of you to talk openly about your pain, and decide to
stick your hand in the pond and pull out your own treasure.