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Holiday Grief
Coping with Holiday Grief
At
holiday time, many people are dealing with loss and are often caught
in a dilemma between the need to grieve and the pressure to get into
the spirit of the season. Holidays or not, it is important for the
bereaved to find ways to take care of themselves. The following
guidelines may be helpful:
1. Plan ahead as to where and how you will spend your time
during the holidays. Let yourself scale back on activities if you want
to. Redefine your holiday expectations. This can be a transition year
to begin new traditions and let others go.
2. Select a candle in your loved one's favorite color and
scent. Place it in a special area of your home and light it at a
significant time throughout the holidays, signifying the light of the
love that lives on in your heart.
3. Give yourself permission to express your feelings. If you
feel an urge to cry, let the tears flow. Tears are healing. Scientists
have found that certain brain chemicals in our tears are natural pain
relievers.
4. Shakespeare once said, “Give sorrow words…” Write an
“un-sent letter” to your loved one. expressing what you are honestly
feeling toward him or her at this moment. After you compose the
letter, you may decide to place it in a book, album or drawer in your
home, leave it at a memorial site, throw it away, or even burn it and
let the ashes rise symbolically.
5. When you are especially missing your loved one, call family
members or dear friends and share your feelings. If they knew him or
her, consider asking them to share some memories of times they shared
with your loved one.
6. If you live within driving distance of the cemetery,
decorate the memorial site with a holiday theme. This could include
flowers, garlands, ribbons, bows, evergreen-branches, packages,
pinecones or a miniature Christmas tree. Decorating the site yourself
can be helpful in remembering and celebrating your loved one's life
during the holidays, and may free you to cherish the present holiday
with your remaining family.
7. Play music that is comforting and meaningful to you. Take a
few moments to close your eyes and feel the music within the center of
your being.
8. Give money you would have spent for gifts for your absent
loved one to a charity in your family member's name. Consider donating
money to the public library to buy a particular book. Have the book
dedicated to your loved one's memory. Buy a present for a child who
would not otherwise have a gift during the holiday season.
9. Read a book or article on grief. Some suggestions are: Don't
Take My Grief Away From Me by Doug Manning; The Comfort Book For Those
Who Mourn compiled by Anna Trimiew; and A Grief Observed by C. S.
Lewis.
10. Remember the reality that the anticipation of the holidays
without your family member is often harder than the actual holidays
themselves.
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