AZ Center for Loss & Grief

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STAGES OF GRIEF

 
"IDENTIFYING YOUR FEELINGS" 

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

     This is a checklist-based exercise that will help clients’ identity immediate and significant feelings and concerns, providing important information to the therapist regarding the most pressing issues to be addressed in therapy.

TYPES OF SITUATIONS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE MOST USEFUL

     This exercise will help in understanding the client's current emotional state with respect to grief management and grief work, as well as in differential diagnosis, including diagnosis of significant mental health concerns such as depression, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, and the like.

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH CLIENTS

• Are there specific questions you need to answer for yourself before continuing with your grief work ?
   

• Do you have a clear sense of the sorts of issues, feelings, and tasks that you'll be facing in your grief work ?
   

• Have you ever experienced feelings of this sort before ?
   

• Why do you think you're having these particular feelings ?
   

• Are you afraid your feelings will never pass ?
   

• Are the problems you're experiencing so severe or debilitating that you're having trouble functioning in your day-to-day life ?
   

• How did you feel as you were completing the exercise ?

 Identifying Your Feelings

 Check all of the emotional states that best describe how you are
generally feeling at this point in your bereavement.



Afraid

     You're scared of what life will be like now. You may be fearful about your ability to cope emotionally, or you may be uncertain about practical concerns like money, raising the children, or where you'll live. You may just feel afraid, without really knowing why.

Angry

     Anger often feels like a physical thing. Your muscles tense up, and you may feel like yelling
at someone or hitting something. Your rage may be aimed at yourself or your lost loved one,
or you may find yourself getting angry at other people, society, or your spiritual beliefs.

Anxious

     Anxiety is distinct from fear, and is often a generalized feeling. If you're afraid, at least you
know what scares you. If you're anxious, on the other hand, you're likely to feel agitated
without knowing exactly why. You may experience cold sweats, hyperactivity, or edginess.

Ashamed

     You may feel that you should be getting over your feelings, or may be ashamed to show them
in front of family, friends, and others. You may also harbor feelings about the death, or the fact
that you are still alive, that feel shameful to you and are difficult to share with others.

Bitter

     Life may feel very unjust, and you may feel cheated and disappointed. You may feel jealous
and resentful toward others who still have what has been taken from you, and you may feel
victimized by fate.

Confused

     You may be unsure of what you're feeling, or your feelings may change quickly. Your thoughts
may be unfocused, and it may be difficult to concentrate; or you may have a hard time knowing
what to do and how best to make decisions.

Depressed

     Depression can be a general mood of melancholy, or a full-blown experience that is all-encompassing and seems to have no end. In a major depression your mood, appetite, sleep, memory, and ability to concentrate are seriously impaired. You may feel the impulse to do self-destructive things in an effort to find relief.

Despairing

     Here you feel a sense of futility. It seems as though things will never get better, and the
distress caused by the death may feel unbearable. Although you want to, you may not be able
to get your feelings out by crying, or you may be unable to stop crying.

Detached

     You feel disconnected from the death and detached from life in general. The experience
seems unreal, as if it were happening to someone else. You simply pass through life each day,
your actions detached from your thoughts and feelings.

Guilty

     You may feel that you could have done more to help your loved one or to prevent the death.
You may feel intense regret about the way you behaved toward your loved one, or promises you never kept. You may also feel guilty about negative feelings you harbor toward your loved one, or mixed feelings about the death itself. It is also common for the bereaved to feel guilty when they begin to laugh and find pleasure in life once again, or begin new relationships. Or you may experience survival guilt-a sense of remorse that you remain alive while your loved one has died.

Helpless

     Things seem out of your control. You may think that if you were powerless to prevent the death,
then you can't handle anything. You can't cope with the practicalities of everyday life, and feel
unable to control or manage your feelings.

Hopeless

     Life has no meaning. It seems there is no point to anything, and things will never get better.
Your feelings and the tasks you face seem insurmountable, and you feel unable to ever overcome your loss.

Lonely

     There is no one that can understand your pain. There seems to be no one to share things with
or seek comfort from. These feelings may make you feel like withdrawing even further from those around you, or from the world at large.

Lost

     Everything that you used to believe in is gone. You aren't sure where you fit in the world, or who
you are. If you are religious or spiritual, your faith is shaken. If you are not, you feel it unwise to
ever have faith in a world where nothing seems permanent.

Numb

     You are shut down emotionally. You feel nothing. Everything is flat. Although you might be able
to function and get through each day, it sometimes seems as if you are sleepwalking through life, unable to feel your emotions.

Sad

     Sorrow and heartbreak color everything. You feel your loss deeply, and it affects and pervades
all you do. It is a mood that simply won't go away.

Shocked

     You are bewildered and confused. Even if you were prepared for the death, the situation
doesn't seem real. The finality of the situation leaves you feeling stunned, and you may not be able
to accept that your loved one is gone. You keep hoping to wake up from a bad dream.

Overwhelmed

     You simply can't cope with the barrage of emotions, thoughts, and changes facing you. You feel like running away, or escaping by using alcohol or drugs. You want someone to come and rescue you, and make it all go away.

Preoccupied

     You can't stop thinking about your loss. Perhaps you keep replaying certain scenes over and
over in your mind, or agonize about who you might lose next. You can't concentrate on your
everyday responsibilities or engage in a conversation without your mind wandering. Intrusive memories keep surfacing no matter what you do.

Vulnerable

     Your faith in your own invulnerability is shattered. You are constantly aware of your own mortality, and the mortality of other important people in your life. You feel exposed, without protection, to whatever destiny or life hands you.

Yearning

     You long for the deceased. It hurts so much that you feel a constant pit in your stomach. You are constantly aware of the absence of your loved one, and you feel empty. Nothing can fill the void.

Of the feelings you checked off, which three are most intense right now ?
 

1.

2.

3.

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Complete these five sentences:

1.         As I complete this section, I feel like . . .

 

 

 

2.         Right now, I'd like to . . .

 

 

 

3.         Lately, I've been feeling like . . .

 

 

 

4.         My most important current task is . . .

 

 

 

5.         I feel like I most need to work on . . .

  

 

 

Remember to bring the completed worksheet to your next appointment.

Anna talks
with 3TV's
Tara Hitchcock
about children coping with the loss of a loved one.

To Watch Anna's
TV Interview
Click Here !

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